Despite all the modern education, equality and feminazis, a Girl's virtue still nests in her vagina.
No, not all men are hypocrites or bigots. Not all of them want virgins (on earth or in heaven). Not consciously anyway. But being a single woman in your late 20s (damnit....like others were not doing enough to make me feel OLD) who likes her sex but just doesn't enjoy the casual dating scene- relationships, tinder dates and romance can be seriously hazardous to health.
The subtle rules and mandates of dating in India are too warped for my common sense. If I maintain my decorum, I might end up being too boring or pricey. If I give in to the physical urges I am just easy-and suddenly the guy who is smitten, losing himself in my eyes-friendzones me. Or should I say friendzones me with all the benefits. It is not just about the chase. It is like an unconscious tick. The girl who lets you fuck her without a commitment doesn't deserve a commitment. It doesn't matter what amazing chemistry you have or how she charms you. The moment she decides to give you her 'virtue' <also read pussy>...that is all she is good for. The explanation I get from my boy friends is if he gets everything without having to commit, if you give him all the goodies, then what is the motive to commit anymore?
And now let me blow this whole thing wide open. That is one load of BULL-CRAP. You don't commit because you want sex or time or romance. That is just what comes alongwith it. You commit because you want to be with that person. Period. And no one else. People afraid of commitment are living an oxymoron. They think of commitment as an institution in itself- the tag, the rules to follow, the dos and the don'ts, the fear of not being able to check-out other chicks/dudes. But that is not what commitment is. Commitment is simply a state of mind. People get into a relationship solely for their own benefit. You are with that person and not pursing others is because you don't WANT to be with anyone else. For that moment you are sorted, right where you want to be. The moment you feel like being with another, you know maybe it is time to reevaluate your relation. A commitment is not about the end goals of marriage. It is the journey itself. And how you travel is decided solely by the two of you.
I get the 'preach' from many friends about how I end up taking it too fast, giving in too soon, letting him have me too much, too easily. 'Ofcourse he thinks you are easy.' What they fail to realize is that I am easy for HIM. Not for everyone. And they would realise that if they simply went through my track record. (I went without sex for a year now...and definitely not because of lack of opportunities- like a girl in Delhi can ever have a lack of opportunities anyway). And when is soon too soon? Who is to decide?
And what ticks me off more is why have I never heard the word 'easy' being used for a guy? If he wants it-then duh that is what ALL men want. But if I want it- I am easy and that is all I am good for. To fuck and forget unless ofcourse you need a friend who will hear about how you like this other chick and shes driving you nuts by blowing hot and cold.
Why can't I want sex too? Alongwith all the goodies? And if he gives that to me...why can't I also simply lose interest and chase other men? Would have been so much easier to be wired like that. But I want sex with the one who turns my mind on. And when he does, I would willingly let him have my non-virtuous vagina. Because it is rare. I might not be in love with you- but trust me I will love you. It is simply a waste of a human to focus on more than one at a time. But the price I pay for this is to be completely dissatisfied and turned off -by him wanting to continue fucking me while he carries on searching greener pastures (a girl who won't let him touch her till he is on his knees pronouncing his love to her and the world- no he will never really admit this consciously. I doubt the confused generation we are, the guy even actually knows it himself.)
Maybe it is the chubby me with sparkling eyes- you are the cutest....'friend' ever. Ofcourse your sexuality makes us want to fuck you. But what the hell... I think my mother is right. I do not know how to behave with men. I do not know how I am supposed to act if I want to 'land' him for 'good'. To not disclose my past, my wants, my sexuality. To let him think I am a pious conquest to be put on a pedestal.
But then I am all that. And more. On a pedestal already. Too bad if he doesn't realize it. I do deserve someone who will candlelight romance me and only me and have no qualms fucking my brains out after.
Dedicated to the boy friend who did. One of a kind. Till I find another.
-The sexless/romanceless frustrated single Delhi girl- to be or not to be....'sexy' -that is the question.
No, not all men are hypocrites or bigots. Not all of them want virgins (on earth or in heaven). Not consciously anyway. But being a single woman in your late 20s (damnit....like others were not doing enough to make me feel OLD) who likes her sex but just doesn't enjoy the casual dating scene- relationships, tinder dates and romance can be seriously hazardous to health.
The subtle rules and mandates of dating in India are too warped for my common sense. If I maintain my decorum, I might end up being too boring or pricey. If I give in to the physical urges I am just easy-and suddenly the guy who is smitten, losing himself in my eyes-friendzones me. Or should I say friendzones me with all the benefits. It is not just about the chase. It is like an unconscious tick. The girl who lets you fuck her without a commitment doesn't deserve a commitment. It doesn't matter what amazing chemistry you have or how she charms you. The moment she decides to give you her 'virtue' <also read pussy>...that is all she is good for. The explanation I get from my boy friends is if he gets everything without having to commit, if you give him all the goodies, then what is the motive to commit anymore?
And now let me blow this whole thing wide open. That is one load of BULL-CRAP. You don't commit because you want sex or time or romance. That is just what comes alongwith it. You commit because you want to be with that person. Period. And no one else. People afraid of commitment are living an oxymoron. They think of commitment as an institution in itself- the tag, the rules to follow, the dos and the don'ts, the fear of not being able to check-out other chicks/dudes. But that is not what commitment is. Commitment is simply a state of mind. People get into a relationship solely for their own benefit. You are with that person and not pursing others is because you don't WANT to be with anyone else. For that moment you are sorted, right where you want to be. The moment you feel like being with another, you know maybe it is time to reevaluate your relation. A commitment is not about the end goals of marriage. It is the journey itself. And how you travel is decided solely by the two of you.
I get the 'preach' from many friends about how I end up taking it too fast, giving in too soon, letting him have me too much, too easily. 'Ofcourse he thinks you are easy.' What they fail to realize is that I am easy for HIM. Not for everyone. And they would realise that if they simply went through my track record. (I went without sex for a year now...and definitely not because of lack of opportunities- like a girl in Delhi can ever have a lack of opportunities anyway). And when is soon too soon? Who is to decide?
And what ticks me off more is why have I never heard the word 'easy' being used for a guy? If he wants it-then duh that is what ALL men want. But if I want it- I am easy and that is all I am good for. To fuck and forget unless ofcourse you need a friend who will hear about how you like this other chick and shes driving you nuts by blowing hot and cold.
Why can't I want sex too? Alongwith all the goodies? And if he gives that to me...why can't I also simply lose interest and chase other men? Would have been so much easier to be wired like that. But I want sex with the one who turns my mind on. And when he does, I would willingly let him have my non-virtuous vagina. Because it is rare. I might not be in love with you- but trust me I will love you. It is simply a waste of a human to focus on more than one at a time. But the price I pay for this is to be completely dissatisfied and turned off -by him wanting to continue fucking me while he carries on searching greener pastures (a girl who won't let him touch her till he is on his knees pronouncing his love to her and the world- no he will never really admit this consciously. I doubt the confused generation we are, the guy even actually knows it himself.)
Maybe it is the chubby me with sparkling eyes- you are the cutest....'friend' ever. Ofcourse your sexuality makes us want to fuck you. But what the hell... I think my mother is right. I do not know how to behave with men. I do not know how I am supposed to act if I want to 'land' him for 'good'. To not disclose my past, my wants, my sexuality. To let him think I am a pious conquest to be put on a pedestal.
But then I am all that. And more. On a pedestal already. Too bad if he doesn't realize it. I do deserve someone who will candlelight romance me and only me and have no qualms fucking my brains out after.
Dedicated to the boy friend who did. One of a kind. Till I find another.
-The sexless/romanceless frustrated single Delhi girl- to be or not to be....'sexy' -that is the question.
Whoa. That rant did sound like me. Good to know that someone else thinks the same way!
ReplyDeleteGlad to meet a fellow ranter then :)
ReplyDeleteDear girlfriend,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post I realised how conveniently you had poured in all the elements that kept orbiting in my mind to the pen and paper.
I am just 21 and I haven't seen the whole of the world,I haven't encountered a lot of realities yet, but of all that I have done is I have had my fair share of whole lot of shit. Not to appear empathetic or generate sympathy but to bring to your notice that there are people alike you going through the same journey, the same questions, encountering the same disdaning reality. And we know you are precious and we know your delima.
A generic psychology of men is such that they never respect anything that comes easy. It is absurd as I said it but they like the chase, the difficulty, they like them working for it, as if we were trophies. But it is true whatever comes their way be it how wonderful and charming, witty and kind they would let it go ( after full filling their requirements if it so be ) and let it go. Not all men are like that, you have your share of white tigers in this wildlife. Rare but there. Not all men consider love the possession race, consciously. Men are men. But you are precious, don't let a guy sweep you off your fleet if he does not deserve you even 0.01% , even if you do do not give in. You may, but only if he is DESERVING. For Darling the most charming men in armour of wit and gravity are but dressed wolves of deviance, fall in love not in trap.
You will have your candlelight romancer but make sure you do not give his position to some undeserving bastard out there.
Your trully
Girlfriend.
Oh ofcourse they are not all like that. And there are so many underlying insecurities bred by culture that gives birth to such attitudes. I have had some amazing men in my life and this post in no way should be taken as a shadow cast on all the men. Rather it's a question mark on the attitudes and prejudices we all share-men and women alike. I am not a feminist....it's simply an experience that I have had that I believe is more common to women than men. As far as the chase is considered, we all are equally guilty of that.
DeleteI am glad that I have kindred spirits out there. And to them I say this is not despair or defeat but simply a bad habit of over and psycho analyzing everything in my life. I hope you find your love- in whatever you do.
I sent a perspective all in flowers
ReplyDeleteYou sent back fumes of fire ;
I only meant a lot than thou comorehended;
But you bought in again anaolgies ire,
I regret how much you are imposing your not a feminist
When in your whole poem you talked about about an equal treat.
For some rhymes & reason we didn't connect.
You should read again the message, what you have perceived was not my intent. :)